I'm ready. Let's do this.

All I've ever wanted to do is enter a fitness competition.  Not like bodybuilding, where you just walk around and pose.  I want to perform a choreographed fitness routine.  This has always been my ultimate goal.  It's the whole reason I got into competing in the first place.

 

However, since I never felt capable of performing a routine, but still wanted the experience of doing a show, I settled on entering the Bikini/Model division.  From my very first show, I had a blast.  I loved it so much!  I was hooked! 

 

Just a couple months later, I decided on a whim to enter a Figure competition. This was a huge leap of faith, and in just about 2 months, I had completely transformed my entire physique. My first figure prep experience pushed me to my limits. It took me so far outside my comfort zone and tested me in ways I never dreamed possible. Despite how much I hated show prep, I stuck with it. I loved the personal challenge of prepping for a show. As someone who thrives on challenges, I live for that sky-high feeling of ultimate accomplishment, the well-deserved reward for pushing yourself beyond your own perceived personal limits. Any bikini competitor, distance runner, or elite athlete should understand exactly what I'm talking about. That feeling you get once it's all over, and suddenly you realize, it was all worth it... THAT's what I'm talking about.

 

But what happens when you look back and decide it wasn't worth it!? Even after accomplishing your goal, what happens when you look back on all the sacrifices you made along the way and decide that, the climb just wasn't worth the fall. What if, it just wasn't all you had hoped for? 

 

I basically catapulted myself into a figure competition.  As a result, I was 100% dedicated and determined to pull it off... and I did!!  But no great achievements come without a cost. I made countless sacrifices, often dreamed about my "old life," and was probably a little too strict with myself during my prep. 

 

There's this nasty little thing called "post-show" that no one really talks about because it really is SO ugly, but every competitor experiences it to some degree. It's usually worst after your first couple shows until you learn coping strategies. I fell apart after my show. I had no idea how to deal, and I ended up floundering around for weeks, trying hopelessly to pull myself back together. Weeks turned into months and it didn't get much better. My post-show experience was UGLY.  We're talking straight up processed junk for almost every meal. Every day. For months. But enough about that (see?? I told you no one wants to talk about it...)

 

Post-show was so miserable, I swore I'd never compete again. 

 

I've made huge strides since then. Over a year and a half later, I am healthier and stronger than I've ever been in my entire life. Plus, I'm getting physically stronger every day.  

 

I'm ready compete again. I'm ready to pick up the rest of the pieces, dust myself off, and push myself to see how far I really can go. 

 

I actually WANT to do this. 

To compete, or not to compete. That is the question.

We are less than 12 weeks out from my potential show date, and I am still trying to decide if competing in a show this fall is a wise decision...

 

I better decide soon, because in order to do something like this, you need to be 100% committed.  In other words, I need to decide wholeheartedly, without a doubt, that I am doing this show.  If I continue to deliberate too long, it's just not going to happen.  Half-assed effort just won't cut it when it comes to prepping for a show. 

 

I'm genuinely afraid of getting distracted from my primary goal.  Figure prep is all-consuming, and if it distracts me in any way, from my primary goal of doing Fitness, I don't want to do it. 

 

I am mostly afraid that choosing to compete this fall will eat into my budget for competing in fitness next spring.  The cost of competing gives me serious anxiety every time I think about it (we're talking hundreds, even thousands of dollars), and I know that fitness is even more expensive than the other divisions once you add in choreography, music, etc...

 

I technically "can" afford it, but I'm constantly thinking about all the opportunity costs. If I were not competing, I could have bought myself the iPad I've been wanting for YEARS.  I could have spent more money on fun experiences in NYC, like Broadway shows and travelled more often. I could have treated myself to more spa days, ate at fancier restaurants, or even splurged on some expensive designer clothes.  I've refrained from doing all of those things, because my budget has been tighter than ever since I began this lifestyle... all the personal training, online coaching, posing sessions, not to mention wholesome fresh food, supplements galore, and all the glitz & glam for show day... it all adds up fast!!  With all the money I've spent so far, I could have gone on vacation to Hawaii - at least two or three times by now.  It's a choice you have to make.

 

If prepping for Figure will detract from my ability to make real strength gains, if I miss out on valuable time practicing the fitness moves, if I loose endurance, power or flexibility in the process, I don't want to compete this fall. 

 

I'm also afraid of that nasty thing called post-show.  If prepping for a Figure show - god forbid - messes up my metabolism, uses up all my energy, or throws me back into the depths of ice cream-filled despair, I don't want to do it.  

 

All these fears keep floating around in my head - some rational. some irrational. But all are very real.

 

I've dreamed of competing in fitness for so long, that no matter how close I get to making my dream a reality, it's so hard to imagine it actually happening

 

I just don't want to screw it up.

  

So the question remains, do I pour 100% of my thoughts, time and energy into preparing for my Fitness show next Spring, and forget about anything else - like other shows - in the meantime?

 

or...

 

Can I successfully handle doing both!?