I don't want to run anymore

It's been 8 days since my last post, and I've ran precisely ONCE since then. Count it. One time. That's it.

The worst part is, I haven't even felt like leaving the couch. I have all the time in the world right now, and I have energy to spare, but I'm doing absolutely nothing with myself. And I mean absolutely nothing. My big accomplishments from the past 2 weeks include setting up this blog, cleaning my room and doing my laundry. That's about it. I've been job-searching, went on two interviews, started looking for tutoring gigs, ate a lot of chocolate and watched a lot of movies.

I don't even miss running. I don't even want to run anymore. I'm so much more inclined to sit around these days, its actually quite sad. I think I'm in a funk. I mean, I do miss the feeling I got from running. That incredible high that would lift my spirits and have me walking on air for at least the next 24 hours, possibly even longer. I miss the feeling of being slim and fit. The incredible confidence that comes with completing a really tough run or braving the elements. The feeling that I can overcome the odds and do anything I set my mind to. I miss having the desire to run. I miss Julie the runner. Yet, despite all that, for some odd, bizarre, indescribable, inexplainable reason, I don't miss running. I just don't feel like running - it's just not fun anymore. I would so much rather sit on the couch.

I think I'll get back into it once it gets warmer outside... I've never been much of a cold weather runner anyway. here's hoping!

Let the rain wash away all my resolve

Laziness came back with a vengeance today. But in all honesty, I did get a lot accomplished... I was very productive on the job search front.... plus I made time to enjoy the day (I watched a movie!) So the day wasn't a total waste by any stretch of the imagination. Plus, it was raining outside, which is fine, because running in the rain is awesome, but at the same time it is a huge deterrent to actually wanting to go outside in the first place. I was going to run around 1:30pm, then Andrew showed up unexpectedly to hang out for a bit before his class - which was such a great surprise!! - but by the time he left, I decided to continue resting and dedicated myself wholeheartedly to job-searching for the rest of the day.

I also made up my mind about the marathon. At this rate, I doubt I'll ever be ready in time. I found out there's a 10-miler that day, which runs the same course as the marathon, just for the first 10 miles. I think this will be a much more reasonable, much more realistic goal. I can definitely run 10 miles, and I can even work towards a faster time over the next 5 weeks. This way I can continue to run at my leisure without feeling super-guilty about every day that goes by without a run. In the meantime, I can enjoy my time off from work, dedicate myself to looking for a job, and focus on getting things straightened out at home.

I am happy with my decision.

Laziness to the extreme

Dragging myself out the door for a run is so tough nowadays. I don't know what it is... but when faced with the option of bundling up in layers and facing the elements, like snow, and sub-zero wind chills, or lounging inside in my sweats with a fleece blanket on the couch, or even staying in bed... one of the later two options almost always wins. It's horrible.

I've been reading my old running journals and blog entries and I'm in awe of my old self. I can't believe how athletic I was! I read about my running escapades, my treadmill workouts, and my race results; my "easy" pace was so fast! Back in the day - less than 2 years ago - I was running sub-9-min miles on a regular basis and thinking nothing of it! I would occasionally push myself on the treadmill and reach 6-min miles! I did speed workouts every week. Most of the time, it was after a long day at work or right after an hour-long boxing class. Unbelievable! Today, I'm thrilled if I complete an easy run around 9:30! Anything faster than 8:30 is completely unimaginable at this point. What happened??

Well. Work happened. My boyfriend happened. New roommates happened. Lots of roommate drama went down. My gym membership expired. And life as I knew it came to a screeching halt. That's all I have to say about that.

Even now, it's a beautiful brisk winter day and the sun is shining. I've been telling myself to go for a run since I woke up 4 hours ago. Yet, I continue to sit on the computer doing absolutely NOTHING productive in the LEAST. Granted, I applied to 3 new jobs and chatted with a few old friends, but other than that, I have nothing to show for all the time I've spent today staring at a screen. If I had left for my run sooner, I most likely would have been back by now, showered, ate something, and could now be relaxing... reveling in my athleticism and feeling well-justified in having a nice, relaxing afternoon. As it stands right now, I'm disgusted with myself in the fact that I haven't even changed out of pj's or showered yet. I have no good reason for staying inside. It's not like I have anything pressing or urgent to do, and it's not like I have anywhere to be.

If I leave right now, I can still get in a decent run and make it back before dark.... okay, maybe I will run.... maybe... but then again the butterfly chair I'm sitting cross-legged on is just oh-so-comfy... and I'm getting hungry again....

Marathon training (or something like it)

I have a marathon coming up in 5 weeks. Yes, FIVE WEEKS. I haven't even officially started training yet, and I'm still holding on to some strange bizzare glimmer of hope that I'm going to be able to run 26.2 miles on March 28th, 2010. Am I crazy? or just very determined? You be the judge.

It's not like I'm even conditioned like I was last time. Before the Philly Marathon, although I was very lackadaisical in my training efforts, I still ran whenever I felt like it, which turned out to be 3-4 days each week, and when I wasn't running, I was cross-training: boxing, kick-boxing, Pilates, Yoga, weight-lifting, you name it, I did it. I was in the second-best shape of my entire life! (The best shape I was EVER in was about 4 months out of college, when I belonged to 4 gyms, taught classes at three of them, and was gung-ho about everything and anything fitness... that year, my entire Christmas list consisted of exercise equipment and workout clothes. No lie.) So, anywho, here I am today, no where near the base fitness level I achieved in fall '08. I have a lot of work to do just to get caught up to that level. Before I can even dream of beginning hard core marathon training, I've got to get a solid foundation of weekly mileage and cardiovascular fitness... and I'm quickly running out of time!! I know I found myself in a similar predicament last time, when I had my wake-up call approx 6 weeks before Philly, butttt - I repeat - back then I was already in awesome shape without even realizing it. I exercised obsessively every day, I pushed myself to the limit on a regular basis. Now I don't do any of that... heck, I'm lucky if I force myself out the door for a run twice a week. That's about the extent of my glorious fitness regimen right now.

This past week was the first week that could actually classify as "training." Up until this point, my weekly mileage has been pretty stagnant. For at least the past two months, I've been running about 6-7 miles. I seriously can't remember the last time my weekly mileage broke 7. Then, this week, I kind of jumped right in. On Wednesday, I ran 5 miles. On Thursday, I ran 6 miles. Then today, I ran 10 miles!!! That's right, TEN MILES! I know experienced distance runners will scoff at my excitement, but to me this is tremendous! That is my longest run so far this year... this season... quite possibly since I've moved to NJ (with the exception of the Philly Distance Run in Oct..) this is HUGE, people! So my total mileage for this week was 21 miles.

So today I set out to run 10 miles and that's exactly what I did. It's not as simple as it sounds. Around miles 1-2 I was thinking "this sucks, this was such a bad idea. I'm already tired & out of breath, and overdressed in too many layers so I'm over-heating. It's going to be dark before I get home... Turn around and go back now before you slip on the ice or get hit my a car. You'll never survive... this was such a terrible, terrible idea"... then around mile 4 I started to get my groove and thought to myself "this really isn't so bad. just take it easy. slow & steady wins the race... or in this case, slow & steady finishes the long run without dying. maybe, just maybe, you CAN do this" ... by mile 5 I was cruising along but still scolding myself for leaving the house so late & fearing for my life by running at sundown... on a happier note it was Saturday so I didn't have to worry about the typical rush-hour cars clogging the road during the 5-o'clock hour... at mile 6 I was really getting the hang of it and was almost hesitant to stop, but I was getting hungry so I needed to re-fuel, plus I wanted to check my progress and the time. I checked my phone & was thrilled to discover that I'd been running for an hour so far! I ate a few sports beans and proceeded... around mile 7 I thought to myself "this is it! the final stretch! only 5k left!" and miles 8-9 were consumed by thoughts of "this is it... almost there... don't stop now... keep on going... my nose is running... and I really could use some more sports beans... but I'm not stopping for anything until I finish..." I followed through right to the end and sprinted all-out in the apartment complex! Boy, am I ever proud of myself. Maybe this marathon actually is within my reach. Yes, I'm still holding on to hope that I will be marathon-ready by March 28th, 2010. I guess you can call me crazy-determined. A few lofty goals and a little insanity never hurt anyone. Let the madness begin!

Have your cake & eat it too

Wednesday was another unintentional "rest" day. I've had a lot of those lately... I planned to run. I really did. Then I got carried away at work and ran out of time...

Thursday the exact same thing happened. Instead of running, I ate 3 pieces of cake. cake instead of running... that's a fair trade-off, don't you think!?

What a wasted weekend...

This weekend was a complete disaster. Training was derailed in a huge way. It all started Saturday morning. I was going to go on my first "long" run... somewhere from 8-12 miles depending on how I felt... at an nice easy pace (to recover from yesterday's speed workout). My dad called first thing in the morning to tell me my cousin was playing field hockey in Greenwich. but he had no details, like time, location, etc. So I spent half the morning calling all my family members, trying to figure out where & when my cousin was playing. I would decide when to run once I figured that out... then I found out she was playing in Darien, which is a heck of a lot farther away than Greenwich (40 mins vs 10 mins), and I wasn't going to make it in time. I got hungry, so I had to eat something. Then I had to let my food settle. By then it was mid-day, the hottest part of the day, and I decided to wait until it got a little cooler... I read magazines... went online... got hungry again... ate again... food settled... (what a viscious cycle)... then I got caught up reading and by the time I looked at the clock I realized if I left it'd be dark outside by the time I got back. Plus I was hungry and minorly exhausted from sitting around doing nothing all day. So Saturday was shot.

Then Sunday arrives and I'm determined to fit in a run some way, somehow. After all, it was OK if I missed Saturday, since it was the day after my speed workout, and rest days are an essential part of training, but 2 rest days in a row? when I've only begun training? forget it!!! that's a recipie for disaster. if I don't start running regularly and get in the habit now, I'm never going to be ready by marathon day! On Sunday, I didn't wake up until noon. The only thing I wanted to do all day - besides run - was go to the Rye Farmer's Market. So I had this brilliant idea: I was going to run there! By the time I decided all this & got ready to go, I realized that if I ran to the market, I would have exactly 5 minutes to peruse before they closed at 2:00. I put on my running attire anyway, grabbed a water bottle & towel, hopped in my car, and drove to the farmers market, fully intending to bring my purchases home, quickly drop them off, and then drive to a nearby park. Back at the house, once I put my fresh produce away, I didn't feel like going out again, so I didn't. I sat around being lazy & lethargic, reading, eating ice cream and pretzels all day. And before I knew it, Sunday was shot too.