All I've ever wanted to do is enter a fitness competition. Not like bodybuilding, where you just walk around and pose. I want to perform a choreographed fitness routine. This has always been my ultimate goal. It's the whole reason I got into competing in the first place.
However, since I never felt capable of performing a routine, but still wanted the experience of doing a show, I settled on entering the Bikini/Model division. From my very first show, I had a blast. I loved it so much! I was hooked!
Just a couple months later, I decided on a whim to enter a Figure competition. This was a huge leap of faith, and in just about 2 months, I had completely transformed my entire physique. My first figure prep experience pushed me to my limits. It took me so far outside my comfort zone and tested me in ways I never dreamed possible. Despite how much I hated show prep, I stuck with it. I loved the personal challenge of prepping for a show. As someone who thrives on challenges, I live for that sky-high feeling of ultimate accomplishment, the well-deserved reward for pushing yourself beyond your own perceived personal limits. Any bikini competitor, distance runner, or elite athlete should understand exactly what I'm talking about. That feeling you get once it's all over, and suddenly you realize, it was all worth it... THAT's what I'm talking about.
But what happens when you look back and decide it wasn't worth it!? Even after accomplishing your goal, what happens when you look back on all the sacrifices you made along the way and decide that, the climb just wasn't worth the fall. What if, it just wasn't all you had hoped for?
I basically catapulted myself into a figure competition. As a result, I was 100% dedicated and determined to pull it off... and I did!! But no great achievements come without a cost. I made countless sacrifices, often dreamed about my "old life," and was probably a little too strict with myself during my prep.
There's this nasty little thing called "post-show" that no one really talks about because it really is SO ugly, but every competitor experiences it to some degree. It's usually worst after your first couple shows until you learn coping strategies. I fell apart after my show. I had no idea how to deal, and I ended up floundering around for weeks, trying hopelessly to pull myself back together. Weeks turned into months and it didn't get much better. My post-show experience was UGLY. We're talking straight up processed junk for almost every meal. Every day. For months. But enough about that (see?? I told you no one wants to talk about it...)
Post-show was so miserable, I swore I'd never compete again.
I've made huge strides since then. Over a year and a half later, I am healthier and stronger than I've ever been in my entire life. Plus, I'm getting physically stronger every day.
I'm ready compete again. I'm ready to pick up the rest of the pieces, dust myself off, and push myself to see how far I really can go.
I actually WANT to do this.